It, had never touched my mind. The idea that mental health issues would ever rear its head to look both my wife and I straight in the face and say, “be still now, this is going to hurt just a little bit and forever.” Diagnosed with severe depression, finally realizing a pattern of self-medication and distress, allowed long buried past traumas, to be pulled through a fog of emotional barriers and be released. The space they had once taken up, where they had soured the soul, could finally claps into a more restful, scared, but healing shape. My wife suffered in silence for years before she was ever diagnosed. It makes me so low to think I missed every sign, every nod or secret glance which would have let me hear a whisper of her need for help.
Kairos is generally represented as a young beautiful god, never aging. He has been described as standing on tiptoe while running, and like Hermes, he has wings on his feet to fly on the wind. He has been known to hold a razor, or else scales balanced on a sharp edge, both attributes illustrating a fleeting balance of opportunity, which when missed, can never be recovered. My wife has been so strong, for so long, I had forgotten just how vulnerable she truly could be to the shifts in what some would call everyday life. She had been immersed in a stifling quicksand, struggling to move forward, arming herself when she could with good information, medication, family and professional support. But there was one more seemingly immovable barrier. It was me. Now, of course it seems so obvious, but then, I thought it was just who I was, who I had always been, it was just the way I did things. Bursts of creativity, long nights of working, boundless enthusiasm, a quickness… a sickness.